Smiling Inside

I’ve been learning a lot about myself lately. It’s amazing what you can learn when someone is suddenly paying attention and challenging your ways.

Last week I blogged about happiness and hope.

Happiness is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately…mostly because I have been happy.

A few years ago I went to a comedy club with some friends. When we left one of them asked if I had fun. I said that the comedian was pretty funny.

“But you didn’t even laugh.”

It dawned on me that I’m not very good at showing that type of emotion. I could really find something to be funny, but I would laugh inside.

Just like if I saw something worth smiling, I would just smile inside.

I didn’t have that physical release.


I think it could be that to show that emotion would be to open myself up too much. I like my masks.

They keep me safe.

Whether I have my earbuds in with no music; pretend talking on the phone; wearing sunglasses on cloudy days; or sarcasm, I use them all.

I’m good at deflecting a conversation to something else.

But that has been changing.

I have found someone where I want to laugh out loud.

I smile all the time – with my mouth.

When I say I’m happy, I’m not deflecting to avoid the truth.

She tells me almost every day that I deserve to be loved.

I’ve had a difficult time accepting that; but really, don’t we all deserve it?

Don’t we all deserve to be so happy that we can actually show it?

Right now I will smile for real just by reading a text. I even “lol”. Sometimes there may even be a snort mixed in there.

That release has been good for me.

Good for my soul.

I’m not coming out of my shell; I’m just enjoying the turtle life more.

Things I don’t like about extroverts


As an introvert who just recently understood what the term means, I often wished I was more extroverted. However, as we don’t always get what we want in life, and almost everything in life is influenced by our temperaments, I have a hard time relating to some extroverts when

# They enter the room and immediately insist on getting one’s attention. My ex-roommate was like that.

# They think as they speak, unlike introverts who think before they speak, and as such say things that may be hurtful, which by the time they realize, if they do realize it, may be too late.

# They have a lot of energy which forces nearby introverts to keep up with them, thus draining our energy.

# They can be a bit insensitive because most of them are tough-skinned/easily brush things aside. Naturally, they think other people are like them and as such…

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