Heyo,

Saying no has always been a problem for me. I feel terrible whenever I tell someone that I can’t do something because they want to know why.

Because I need some freaking me time before my head explodes.

Well you should come have “me time” with us. At the bar. During karaoke night. And you should sing. Alone. Ok, fine, with the group. Then we can head back to so and so’s house and hang out.

How about I go home and play my video games for a while (not socially) and read about your escapades on facebook in the morning? That sounds like a much better plan.

Have I mentioned that I also have social anxiety? Yeesh.

Or: Text comes in:

Friend: Hey! You wanna go for coffee or something so I can unload my problems on you?

I literally just crawled into bed after a day of work…

I’m not kidding here. I need an emotional connection to bond with people. I don’t do “crushes”. I don’t do those “love at first sight” things. I think I mentioned it somewhere I’m as sensitive as a frozen brick. I cannot stand the feeling of being touched by someone I don’t have an emotional connection with. You’re either a friend or you’re.. not. I don’t do grey areas. I don’t have an affinity for the “in between” type of friends. I don’t do “casual”. I’ll be polite but, don’t expect me to pour my heart out to you. I control myself with my colleagues, even the ones I really like, but when I’m with my fiancé, or my nieces, or best friends, I get really touchy feely.

I’m occasionally needy when it comes to physical touch. Kind of like a cat. My mood switches randomly, not due to my period…

I miss me. That free spirit I used to be. That wacky girl everyone called weird because they didn’t know how else to describe my ups and downs, my quirky interests.

I used to, for brief manic periods, grab like by the throat and live it to the bone, my way, even if it meant months indoors writing. I LIVED life and sometimes even loved it and the contentment I felt.

I miss those fleeting periods of joy, even if it was without reason. I did stupid things, I was irresponsible, I was hurtful to others, I made a mess of my life. Still..I had a life. I miss me.

It was nice to find an explanation for all the wackiness that did not stay in keeping with my normal character. Bipolar. Up and down. Unfortunately, since mood stabilizers, I have few ups and live most of my life in…