“Jacki’s in the elevator
Lingerie second floor
She said can I see you later
And love you just a little more?” – Love in an Elevator, Aerosmith
First off, Aerosmith is by far the bucket list concert I would go to. I’m not good in crowds, and to be honest, I really don’t enjoy concerts all that much, so I rarely go. I bet I haven’t been to more than five in my lifetime.
But for Aerosmith, without a doubt.
With that said, elevators are an interesting environment, and not just for us introverts. Somewhere along our history the utilization of an elevator has established a sort of community norms.
A building I used to work in had two elevators next to each other. There was probably a 30 foot walk to get to it from the front doors. The moment I walked in the doors and could see the elevator, certain guidelines began.
First off, decisions needed to immediately be made if there was already someone waiting at the elevator.
Do I want to ride with that person?
If not, I needed to make the quick decision to turn and take the stairs. I’m too lazy so that rarely happened.
That decision is followed by the anxious walk to the elevator. If it opens while I am still at the end of the hall, I need to either walk quicker or fake a phone call so I can stop and let them go. Otherwise there is the judging look from the person in front as they hold the door open.
If it hasn’t opened yet by the time I get there, I have to resist the urge to push the button, even though I see it is already lit.
Never fails, when there is a group waiting for the elevator, there is always the person that walks up and pushes the button anyway. Like we were all standing around waiting for someone to show us what to do. This is sort of like the jungle gorilla who is testing the Alpha for control.
Once we all mindlessly enter the elevator, it’s the common duty of the person next to the buttons to be the official button pusher. That’s just how it works.
Unless you are the gorilla. No matter where this person stands, he/she feels the need to reach through everyone to select the desired floor. Next time you are in a group, watch the gorilla work. And it’s even a better viewing opportunity if the button the gorilla wants to push is already lit. The gorilla will either still push it, or will have a jerky arm motion while trying to decide what to do.
By now the elevator is moving. People are either staring down at the phones which are probably not getting any reception, staring at the floor, or having a conversation with someone too loud.
Once the door opens for the first stop, confusion reigns.
People next to the door can’t figure out how to let the people behind them out. People in the back can’t figure out how to get by anyone.
And if there are people getting on, total chaos.
It seems like it would be extremely easy to figure out. Stand to the side, let people out. If you are getting on, let the people out first, then enter.
But much like the person on the plane who stored their carry-on luggage ten rows behind where they are sitting, they feel the need to move first and create a log jam. Or that person in the grocery store who parks their cart on one side of the small aisle and then stands on the other so no one can get through as they examine every brand of creamed corn to figure out which one they want.
One would think it would only take that one stop for everyone to figure out what to do.
Something about the doors closing erases everyone’s mind. Or, at a minimum it erases everyone’s common sense.
Buttons are pushed which are already lit, fake conversation start back up, that creepy guy stands too close.
I stand there judging…cause it’s what I do.
I like to call it “people watching”, but the older I get the more I realize I’m just judging.
“There’s somethin’ wrong with the world today
The lightbulb’s gettin’ dim
There’s meltdown in the sky.” – Livin’ on the Edge, Aerosmith
Yep, Aerosmith again.
Did I mention they are my bucket list concert? Cause they are.
On the unbelievable off chance that someone with any authority with Aerosmith happens to read this…and they are getting ready to have a meeting about finding someone who REALLY wants to see their concert…and they are thinking, “We should find someone and fly them to one of our concerts.” …look no further.
To be clear, my answer is yes.
Ok, more like HELL YES.
If needed, I can change HELL to some other four letter words if it makes the difference.